you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
