Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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