The maid of honor just puked.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
