At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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