Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
