Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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