I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
