dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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