Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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