She's JV to your varsity
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I believe in your delicious
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
