I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
