lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize