I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
