wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
