We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
