Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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