pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
