so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
