this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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