Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
