Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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