Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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