just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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