I will die if light touches me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
