I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
