I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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