You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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