she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im holly from the hills drunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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