sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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