Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
