ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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