just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
