she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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