I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
