dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
