I love black thongs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
