I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
