when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We're too hungover to prance.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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