oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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