Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he puts the penis in happiness.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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