Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
