im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
