Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
