Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
