i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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