Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize