I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
