Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
