So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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