she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
