new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
