Pregnant stripper...not hot.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
