i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
