No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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