Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Randomize
