thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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