I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
