I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
