So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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