I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
