Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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