I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
