I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
