Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm at about main and main street
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
