Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
