Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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