im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
