im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
