I faked an abortion last night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
