forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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