grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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