just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
